company

as i drift into nothingness,

i let the little demons settle in.

these mock trials

have been going on

for a while now,

and every side of the room

pretends that it's always alright

to assume everything

is going to happen inevitably.

they are so sure they can see

that nothing ever happens

inside of me but absolute pity;

they disgrace me -- not that

i'm not used to uneasy gatherings.

my mail is full of malevolence,

and i try to to tell them this,

to let me speak, to let me

hear myself just once; but still,

they won't notice to ask of me

some sugar or some milk

while i sweep away

shattered glasses and silt,

minding if i have left time

for reading messages received.

as i am relieved into suffering

when i let the little demons out,

there's some denial,

it's fucking abysmal to lie down

getting comfy with my doom.

on notes

i am obsessed with lists

na hindi kailangang tapusin.

magmamadaling hahanap

ng instant panahon

para sa mga forever pakulo

that would never satiate

unwanted worries,

blaming anything else

but myself sa tuwing

may gulong magaganap

(tila 'di kinasabikang antala).

kikiskis at mandiriin

ang pagkukunwaring lutas

ng mga bagay-bagay

na pinasikat, pinakain,

minabuti't mini sundays,

hintulot lamang sa 'king

hangong pitifully priceless,

but i don't really mind this,

as long as i follow

what my heart believes

is right, how my eyes

feel when it's tight.

it has never been

about what's odd or even,

kundi kung paanong tatahakin

where the mind has never been.

 

 

strawpoint

ang dulo ba ay end,

o nasa simula rin?

kapagka nagtapos na,

maaaring mag-umpisa

muli, galing sa finish line

pauwi hanggang sa

mamaya-maya e

tutuldukan nang isa pang

sinulat na pangungusap.

lahat ay nauuwi

sa isang iglap.

the cycle

ang dulo ang unang magpapakilala

sa ‘yo at nang hindi mo namamalayan.

unti-unti ka niyang inuunti-unti

hanggang sa higit mo nang mapantayan

ang mga umpisa’t nasimulan,

mga higit pa sa higit na

at hindi pa nakikita, tulad mo,

ang bawat nakilalang bakit at paano

galing sa espasyong hindi rin mayari

ang sariling unawa sa taal na kuntento;

kung nilalaman nga ba ng habi’y

puno’t silbing maliwanagang konteksto.

itinakdang sumalimuot, bigyang-harang

ang bawat kabig, dahil saan pa nga ba

tutungong tunay kung maging

sa liriko ng lagos at laylayan

ay lihis lamang ang ligwakan?

sadyang walang pumilit tumahak

ngunit puntong sa ‘yo lamang iniliban

nang mapantayang higit hanggang

sa unti-unti mong mamalayang

nagpakilalang una sa iyo ang dulo.